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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998142">Speaking In Unspoken Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee'>Nadja_Lee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Sentinel (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BAMF Jim, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Light Angst, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Sign Language</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2007-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2007-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:13:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,766</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22998142</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim loses his hearing and with the threat that it could be permanent, Jim and Blair are forced to communicate using something else than words.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jim Ellison/Blair Sandburg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Speaking In Unspoken Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“No need to panic. I’ll sort this out. It’s only for a few weeks,” Blair was saying more to calm himself than Jim since he knew the larger man would not get his words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Also, he was the one who was close to a panic attack whereas Jim had been remarkably calm through all this. He had been babbling almost none stop since he had left the hospital with Jim. Everything had changed now. Just the trip home from the hospital, with Blair driving Jim’s car, Jim for obvious reasons not saying a word, was unsettling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair had promised himself that he wouldn’t fuss; he knew Jim hated that. Yet this wasn’t another gun or knife wound. This wasn’t even like the time Jim had gone blind by the Golden drug. At least then they had quickly known for sure it was temporally. This time it could very well be a permanent situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The day had started normally enough. Jim had driven Blair to the University where he was teaching now before he went to work. Since the scandal almost two years ago where Blair’s thesis had outed Jim’s abilities their friendship had become much more cautious – in particular from Jim’s side. Both men had known quickly that Jim’s offer for Blair to join the force would not work out. Without Blair having to say a word Jim had worked with all his contacts, from his military days, his father’s business connections and everything in between. The result had been an offer for Blair to do a new PhD thesis at another university in town. Blair had accepted and had one year ago submitted a thesis on the secret society inside the police since he already had all the data he needed. Finally he was doing what he had always wanted to do. He was doing research and teaching at the university while being able to stay with Jim as his friend and Guide. Life was as perfect as Blair thought it could get. That he had secretly loved his older roommate for years was something he had come to accept as an unreachable dream. These days what he worked most at had been to get Jim to feel okay with arguing with him again. Since that fateful day he rarely did though slowly he would at times argue a point but still…their relationship was way too much like walking on eggshells from Jim’s side than Blair liked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>However, those concerns had taken a backseat when Simon had called him and told him Jim had been seriously wounded in a fight with a suspect. The suspect had apparently taken hostages and Jim had been the first to rush to their aid. In a close combat fight with the suspect his attention had been divided between protecting the hostages and taken down his attacker. As a result he had taken a brutal hit on the right side of his head which had damaged his hearing to such a degree that Jim seemed to have gone deaf. The doctors was surprised that he had not been able to keep just some hearing on one ear but Jim had written a note to Blair that he had been using his enhanced senses, his hearing in particular, when the attack had taken place which could be the reason for the damage. The doctors’ tests just seemed to hurt the Sentinel so Blair had taken him back to the loft, determined to find a way to fix this himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe this is a Sentinel thing. Maybe your hearing shuts down to repair itself,” Blair mused out loud later that evening. He was sitting by the kitchen table, Sentinel books and notes everywhere while Jim was sitting on the sofa watching the TV on mute instead of the ‘too low for normal humans to hear’ setting he often used. He had taken all this amazingly well. Too well. He seemed to be too still, too silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At his words Jim turned to look at him and gave a small smile as if to encourage him. Then he turned his attention back to the silent TV, leaving Blair to wonder how he had even known he had been speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next two weeks passed in a similar way. Jim had argued in vain to remain on duty, writing letters and notes to get his point across, but had been put on temporally sick leave. Now Blair took his own car to University every morning – the silence deafening. When he came home Jim would always be doing something which he took as a good sign. He had feared Jim might fall into a depression but so far he seemed to keep busy and keep a positive outlook. Often he was reading or returning from a walk around the neighbourhood, working out or visiting his brother though Steve’s concern had made the visits short as Jim wasn’t much for pity or worry. They didn’t communicate much. They wrote each other notes, but they were brief and mostly just stating facts. Jim didn’t want to talk about his accident, the possibility of a cure or that it might be permanent. Blair still stubbornly spent every waking hour trying to find answers in his Sentinel research, but was so far left empty handed. Jim didn’t comment on his almost obsessive search but Blair was frustrated with his lack of active involvement. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That evening Blair was as always sitting with his books and notes, this time in the sofa since Jim had decked the table for dinner. For once he let himself relax for just a moment or two and really noticed Jim for the first time since the accident. He watched him as he was moving around in the kitchen preparing dinner. His lack of hearing didn’t prevent him from knowing when the food in the oven or the microwave was ready. It didn’t prevent him from knowing when Blair was speaking or dropped something. Though Blair didn’t comment on it Jim would put a cup of coffee in front of him just when he would have asked for it. As Jim put dinner on the table Blair realised what he was witnessing. Jim’s other senses were getting even more enhanced by the absence of hearing. Touch, eyesight, smell and taste…all seemed to grow in strength for each passing day. Instead of hearing sounds he would respond to the changes in the air or a changed smell. This was both reassuring and alarming for would Jim still be able to control these senses if they developed to an even higher level?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair’s thoughts were interrupted by Jim’s soft pat on his shoulder and a hand movement towards the decked table to indicate the food was ready. Blair had noticed that since the accident Jim had chosen not to speak and the silence seemed to have given him the freedom to express himself in a way he never had before. It seemed strange but he seemed more at ease, more at peace now, with himself and with Blair, than Blair had ever seen him. His eyes when they rested on him seemed so full of warmth and love that Blair felt a sudden rush of emotions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All his worry, concern, love and care expressed itself when he looked up at him, smiled softly and signed, ‘I love you’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew Jim would not understand which was why he had allowed himself to finally admit to how he felt. Blair had expected Jim’s surprised look and was to reach for the notepad and pen on the table to come up with a cover for what the gesture really meant when Jim shocked him by signing himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Do you mean that?’ Jim signed to him, his signs flawless and elegant as he stood beside him, his expression guarded, surprised but…hopeful? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair wasn’t quite sure how to read him and dared not put too much into it in fear he would get disappointed.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now it was Blair’s turn to look surprised and shocked. ‘You can sign!’ was the most intelligent sign he could come up with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim gave a half-smile before he signed back, ‘evidently so can you.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I learned it two years ago as part of my studies on communication’, Blair told him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The freedom signing gave was amazing. They could finally communicate! They had both kept notepads and pens with them at all times since the accident but it was a slow communication tool. For now his concern about how to cover up his slip of the tongue…or hands in this case, was forgotten for the joy of this moment. He finally had his friend back. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed really communicating with Jim and though he missed hearing his voice this was still a miracle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I should have guessed you might be able to sign,’ Jim signed to him with a knowing smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Actually, my signing isn’t very good,’ Blair admitted, having some difficulty following Jim both in speed and accessibility of word signs. ‘It took me a long time to learn. When did you learn?’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair wasn’t surprised that there were still things, skills or people in Jim’s life or about Jim which he didn’t know about. Jim wasn’t the most talkative person about his private life even on a good day. It might have bothered some people – as it certainly had Blair when he had first met Jim - but now he had got used to it. If nothing else then it certainly kept his life interesting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I had a deaf friend when I was young. Her name’s Marie. She taught me,’ Jim explained. He added, almost as an afterthought, ‘It must have been before I repressed my senses because thinking back now I remember how, when one of her teachers who also taught at a school for the blind, showed me Braille the letters seemed so real to me…more real than reading words in a book. When you were at work she was one of the people I visited; she gave me a lot of pointers about how to get by without my hearing.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘You read Braille as well?!’ Blair was amazed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had never learned that. Learning sign was difficult enough. Spoken languages were something he took to easily; he spoke many fluently, but somehow languages that relied on other senses was something he learned slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim looked embarrassed at Blair’s open admiration. ‘I haven’t done so for years but I guess I could if I should. I only learned it because Marie’s teacher felt I had a unique way of connecting to the blind and deaf children.’ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shrugged to indicate he had never understood why the teacher had felt that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Man, you have a flair for languages…and an amazing memory!’ Blair signed with admiration. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had noticed that once before when Jim had been able to speak and understand the language of the Chopac Indians after years of not using it. ‘I think I know why your friend’s teacher was impressed,’ Blair signed, his brain working overtime. ‘As a Sentinel communicating through your senses, hands or touch, instead of just words, would be natural. It makes perfect sense.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim clearly didn’t know what to say to that so he didn’t comment. ‘So…about your earlier sign?’ Jim asked, the hand movements soft as the words would likely have been if said out loud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair sobered; all thoughts of Sentinel theories gone. He knew he had a choice. He could lie or he could take a chance. Jim’s reaction to his words hadn’t been negative so even if he didn’t feel the same Blair was sure he would remain his friend. Jim’s tolerance throughout their years together had also assured him of this. Yeah, he wasn’t so tolerant when it came to changing his own life but he let people live however they wanted to. He had everything to gain and little to lose. It was now or never. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair looked Jim in the eyes, his expression serious. ‘I meant it. I have loved you for years. I am sorry if…’ Blair started to sign but Jim caught his hands the same way he would have put a finger to his lips had he been speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you too. I have for a long time. After the thing with your thesis and everything…I was afraid I would lose your friendship and that was all I had,” Jim said out loud, the words very soft but still audible. He let go of Blair’s hands so he had the freedom to ‘speak’ once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair shook his head before he signed, ‘It was never all you had.’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim smiled softly, fondly. ‘Thank you,’ he signed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair smiled widely, everything else forgotten than the joy of this moment. Jim helped him to his feet before he put his arms around him and pulled him close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My research…” Blair mumbled as his eyes went from his papers on the table and back to Jim though he fell into his arms willingly and he laid his arms around his neck. This was a dream coming true and even his concern for Jim’s hearing loss couldn’t hold him back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Having read his lips or simply put his movements together to form the right conclusion; Jim replied to his concern, “Forget it. Marie does not need fixing and if it comes to it neither do I. While you were at University I tried walking the city, being the protector my Sentinel side makes me and I can protect my city just as well now than I could before. If it comes to it I will find a new way to remain the man I am. I do not need anything but you. I can get through this…can you?” he asked seriously, his words and face reflecting his acceptance of his Sentinel abilities and duties as well as his current situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Blair knew what Jim was asking was not to be taken lightly. Blair wished the best for Jim but who was he to decide what was best? What was perfect? If Jim was strong enough to face a loss like this then so should he be.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>He nodded and Jim smiled before he bent down and claimed his lips. Blair tightened his hold on him and pulled him close. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. This was perfect. Jim was right…they could make this work. Whatever happened then they could make this work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jim grew confident of Blair’s love and their relationship and finally the eggshells disappeared from their relationship. Three weeks later Jim’s hearing returned. Blair’s theory that it had shut down to repair itself seemed to have been proved. Blair met Marie and watching her and Jim interact was a joy though their signing at times went too fast for him. He had a feeling those two had a little too much fun when they had only hearing guests over for no one else than Blair would know what their signed conversations would be about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A year after Blair’s signed confession of love Jim gifted him with a silver necklace. On its vertical pendent it had ‘I love you’ written with Braille and ‘forever, Jim’ written on the other side using images of hands forming the words in signs. Later in their life together Blair would gift Jim with a silver bracelet which had a figure of a wolf and a panther printed into it. The words ‘forever yours, Blair’ was written on it in the language of the Chopac Indians to symbolise their connection as Sentinel and Guide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throughout their life together Blair would keep discovering new things about Jim but they discovered them together. They never forgot how they had finally found each other and Marie remained a close friend to them. Jim would late in his life give occasional lectures at the institute for deaf children Marie worked at. In the future Blair was more cautious before he assumed Jim didn’t understand him. Knowing sign proved quite useful to them when expressing affection in public or if they were in a tight spot, facing a dangerous suspect ….which in their life happened more often that one should think possible.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With or without words, Jim and Blair kept communicating their love to each other and remained together for the rest of their life. Having taken that first step towards love they never once looked back and had no regrets; they had finally found what they had been looking for.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>The end</b>
</p>
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